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Sunday, March 6, 2016

Life Pinball, Staying out of the Hole

     Let's assume that life happens like a pinball machine. A whacked ball travels without instruction, willy-nilly hitting impediments, eventually ending in a hole to begin again. A tiny orb is hit into action (birth), smacks against obstructions (random life) and then disappears (death).
     That makes perfect sense unless it's taken into account that I married the same guy I had several past lives with, a bird once pooped on my head when I was losing it over something stupid and the events of this past weekend. 
     In three days a post I wrote was instantly published on elephant journal, a previous ej essay was ranked top ten views for the week, I was accepted as a columnist for that same web magazine and a post I'd submitted a month ago was put in the subject line of the elephant journal Sunday email edition. 
     Perhaps other people have these types of things happen in clusters, I don't. And as far as writing is concerned, it has been more me pushing a herd of pachyderms up Mount Everest. The gory details are rather gory. 
     I've been denied publishing time and again in not very thoughtful or kind ways. The rejections have sounded more like someone's mother berating a mulish teen for her slovenly ways. I've been told rhetorical questions are a big no-no, but I'm having a particularly good weekend. 

So what changed?

I went into history and started deep-cleaning my mental house. In previous posts I've explained the method for EMDR, Eye Motioning, Desensitization and Reprocessing. In shorthand, I had a PTSD episode, went to a therapist and started hunting monsters. Not figurative bogeymen, but real life f*ck wads that prey on children.
     What I believe is that my pinball hit obstacle after obstacle until I let go of the benefits of surface clean. 

     Surface Clean: From the outside everything looks good, move on already the past is past, hardcore healing takes time and that hole beckons just around the corner.

     I'm in the seventh month of a difficult-to-keep-staying-in-there process that is planting elephants in my life. They're really cute, have several fun opportunities and they've certainly changed my pinball game for the better.
     Bring it on Universe--I'm no where near ready for the hole. Let's have some fun.

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