Friday, February 12, 2016

Stupid Sh*t Day




     I'm sure everyone has Stupid Sh*t Day. It doesn't seem to be a topic that anyone else brings up, but I know I can't be the only one who has woken up to dog puke, a gargantuan dust bunny that is blocking the sunlight, Christmas decorations that haven't been put away yet (oops that one is probably only me), and a basement storage room that has gotten so out of control that it threatens to kick them to the street.
     Welcome to hiatus or better put, welcome to what happens when I don't look too closely because if I do I'll have to do something about it payback day. My husband is conveniently out of town on the exact Thursday that I am forced to see the dust bunny. 
     The Godzilla of dust bunnies. One that's reproducing full born off spring. In multiples. Every second of every minute. My house is overpopulated by hopping, floating, disgusting dust blobs that are made up of...dog hair. Dog hair, dog snot, dog puke, dog piss, dog poop and dog skin. Yeah, I have those kind of dogs. 
     Pi our rat terrier, is having a complete allergy tantrum. It has been going on for seven months. If he's not scratching, he's licking or biting or chewing himself to death, leaving body parts all over the place. Fur balls for dinner, as a garnish or as a decorative element on my clothing. I believe more of him is in me than me. If we did a DNA test of my cells, I'd be part Pi. The biggest part.
     So my wake up call was in the form of puke from Pi's partner, Maggie. She very delicately and precisely with one long gack maneuver, purged the entirety of her stomach contents next to my bed at 2 AM. As I stumbled for paper towels, my feet slid on Godzilla. Afterward when I got myself settled back under the covers, it was necessary to ply dog hair from my nose and between my lips. Rolling over to commiserate with my husband, I remember that he is in California. Probably in mid sip of a frosty margarita, gazing at the roaring ocean under sparkling night stars. 
     Gotta love my man's timing. Today is Stupid Sh*t Day and he's out of town.

1 comment:

Gabrielle said...

That was a glorious laugh from start to finish!!!!!!