Thursday, August 14, 2014

A Sparkling Joy Droplet




     Living in every moment is ridiculously hard always. Not only due to the difficulty in turning off the drone of do lists or the what seems unnatural art of breathing in the exact second. It is the most grueling endeavor mainly because every moment is not divine. This planet is full of disease, mayhem, hatred and banality. Humans are crude, mean and frightening. There are freak storms killing thousands, elephants trampling their young, bombs going off in neighborhoods, planes falling from the sky and deaths of well known strangers. 
     We could all pray for a day of kumbaya, rant about peace or scream for humanity during inhumane and insane situations. These all expel energy in the pursuit of something that does not exist, an Earth without pain. Which is why living in every moment is ridiculously hard always.
     There is so much that is out of human control. No one rotates the planet, brings the Sun up or down, blows the wind through trees or curls a wave into formation. Blood unconsciously flows through veins, while skin sheds and hair sprouts. We people are singularly specks in the Universe operating without a forecast. It is the nature of life. Which is why living in every moment is ridiculously hard always.
     Hiding from truth is sustainable, I did it for decades. It's possible to wake up every morning forgetting what has happened and is happening. Most beige minutes don't amount to much to remember. The ones that do can be forgotten with very little effort. My emotional Richter scale crawled between one and two, never really amping up to earthquake status. Spirit rocked and rolled from time to time, attempting to bring mountain ranges to the surface, because it was in the crevices that my depression was born. Which is why living in every moment is ridiculously hard always.
     The day Spirit outfoxed my blindfold maneuver was the last day of beige. She coyly set up my meeting with a shaman who knew a thing or two about waking people up. 

     "What is, IS."

Nothing additional needed to be said. A lot more happened to define that statement. I stumbled in the new reality light with a wonderful therapist, a dear friend and several other gurus, as the title of this blog states. It wasn't pretty and it wasn't nice. The journey was weird, fucked up and devastating. Which is why living in every moment is ridiculously hard always.
     Kumbaya is a lovely song to sing around a campfire with a scout troupe. It is however a profound waste of energy in this vibrant, ugly, beautiful, scary, wild world. Exploring the facets of our crude diamond, while keeping a peaceful center is the only option that is of useful purpose. Accepting the reality while endeavoring to be a sparkling joy droplet is why living in every moment is ridiculously hard always. In that space of awareness it is possible to cry and laugh at the same time.

     #missingRobinWilliams

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