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Friday, August 9, 2013

The Seedling

     I'm very used to diving for cover when periodic life bombs pelt from all sides. In fact one of my best attributes is an ability to grab the shit boots in record time.  Having learned early on that survival meant having an ability to endure the unendurable, I also became proficient at out lasting particularly long drawn out sieges.  Unfortunately, alongside this magnificent fortitude, is a coping skill that isn't one I'd care to teach anyone.  

It is RAGE.

No, really.


It looks like a volcano dancing in and out of eruptions, with words added to the intense explosions.  Throw in fists raised at the Universe and an occasional foot stomping parade.  Recently the lava spewed helter skelter uncontrolled.

After a long delicious vacation in France, the pendulum had swung swiftly from nirvana to the other side.




And it didn't stop at one or two stink bombs, the bombardment went on for weeks.  

Children ran forward to person hood

Pee splattered in an unending stream
A companion was diagnosed with cancer

Windows lined up eagerly awaiting a purge of mildew
A roof swelled with rain

An office morphed at break neck pace
A kidney stone nearly knocked the sturdy structure to the ground

Anniversary's of Pain moved into rotation
The loss of two
A mother left and never looked back

In between grumpy bitching, screaming and shaking my fists I stewed, unable to understand what may be at hand.

     What the fuck?


     Fuck that.

     "The answer waits."

     Well it better have a shitload of patience.

     I'm having a long stupid period.

Several weeks into the mayhem I visited my $150 friend.

     Thank God her timing is impeccable.

     "Have you cried?"

I gave her my sternest "no way in hell" look.

     "Why not?"

     "I'll cry after the madness ends.  I've just got to get through it."

     "I understand."

Clearly she did and clearly she disagreed because she spent the rest of our 55 minutes trying to get me to cave into a puddle.  However, I am resilient.  I lasted 55 plus a couple of extras the good doc threw in at the end.  The woman is tenacious.

     "You know what I see?  I see a woman who strives to do her best.  I see someone with a huge amount of love and has difficulty showing others that love when everything is going badly."

     Fuck me sideways.

     "Trust that it won't go away if you share it when you are frightened or mad or hurt.  Trust that the love will always be there even when someone is shouting at you or walking away or dying.  Love is always there."

     Sobbing, sobbing, sobbing.

After the session miracles arrived to water the new seedling Dr. D released from the stark earth.

Blue arrived to comfort

An eagle swooped in with a wave
A feather greeted from the grass

The companion was cleared of cancer
A girl settled in for conversation

Windows glistened and brought in light
Yoga stretched the confining space
Breath swirled in an abundance of love

The drumbeats echoed taking the message afar

Carry great love for all, always.

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