A Green Giant Step

Photo by Dakota Lecos

     

     "I no longer choose to donate my body to this life experience."

     Who the fuck just said THAT?

     "I believe it was you."

     No Dude that's something YOU would say.

     "It wasn't me."

     Are you implying my spirit did an end run on me?

     "It wasn't me."

     Shit, fuck, Goddamn.  I hate when this happens.

     I just responded to a friend Brenda this unbelievably shocking statement.  On the outside I carried forth with follow up confusion, never relaying the verbal swordplay going on within.  We finished her session and I stood at the desk staring at one of my vices.  A large, cold Diet Coke.  Moisture glistened on the plastic and the sun pierced through the cup reflecting it to be more than half full.

     I bet that's a Super Size donation of an organ.  

     Probably a kidney or something important.

     I already gave up wheat, a significant volume of alcohol and have engaged a trainer.

     What the fuck?

     No little coping mechanisms are left to a former victim?

     Who chose this path?

     "You did."

     Thanks for the update Bud.

     "Are you in or out?"

     We're not talking a toe dip are we?

     "In or out dear Deb?"

Reaching for the extra large cup of crack I sighed with an addict's despair while watching it swirl down the drain.

     Fuck me.

     I guess I'm ALL IN.

A sunbeam shot through the window pane landing on my hand in a caress.  There was no sympathy behind the gesture, merely acknowledgement of my existence.  I am human, therefore I learn.  

     I am Deb, therefore I learn in baby steps and an occasional Green Giant swath.

     "I no longer choose to donate my body to this life experience."

     Amen.

Somewhere a Coke executive winced in pain.